he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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