this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
