If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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