Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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