If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
