The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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