Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
