dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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