I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
