you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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