I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
