i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
