And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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