Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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