and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
