So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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