He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
