I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
