the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
