I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Alive.
So much puke
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
