your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So vagazzling was a success
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
