All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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