And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
