I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
