When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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