so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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