dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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