Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you made out with another girl for some wings
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
