how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
