just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
