My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
