Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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