my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
