I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
