Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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