does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize