I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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