i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize