you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
