he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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