I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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