im drinking this country out of the recession.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
