so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
