Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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