So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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