one two three fourrrrnication!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
