I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
