so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
