Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
