how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
