Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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