i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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