I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
