That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
