I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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