we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize