cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
