he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
