Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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