you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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