Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
