Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
