puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
