Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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