I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
