I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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