I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
