Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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