absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
