Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
birth control should be required to get into college
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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