Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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